Meet My Stockbroker

Meet my stockbroker

By Tom Madden

Who advises you on buying and selling securities on the stock exchange? For me, I can’t help believing who my stockbroker is. I’m sure it must be Jesus.

Every time I make a successful trade, I turn from my laptop toward this picture of Him atop my dresser nearby, and I say, “thank you, Jesus.” And He seems to wink.

Take this week for example. I’ve said, “thank you, Lord,” a lot. Finally, it has been a heavenly week for a change. And He’s winked backed a lot. Maybe the best wink week in a while.

How do I know He’s advising me?

Why else did I bulk up on Microsoft before it reported earnings, sending the stock soaring? Did I know something? Is their AI heaven sent? I don’t think so, but the advice to keep buying it may be.

If that wasn’t enough, who or what made me sell a chunk of it when it rose $10 just before it plunged over $12 the next day? Who is advising me? Fisher Investments? Merrill Lynch Wealth Management? TD Ameritrade?

No, someone far above the maddening crowd keeps advising me to ride Microsoft’s ascendancy to ever higher levels. While easing my foot down on the Chevron gas pedal and pumping some of that energy into Microsoft’s thirstier AI tank for slower carbon emissions and a speedier, climate friendlier return.

Why have I steered away from Ford, quaffed up so much Qualcomm and lightened up on Apple? Am I hearing the almighty prophesize that while eating apples keeps doctors away, owning it can raise blood pressure? Did I know entrepreneur Joe Kiani would notch a startling victory in his court battle against Apple now maybe banning one of its key products from import into the United States? Why? Because it contains a technology measuring blood pressure? Kiani claims it infringed on patents owned by his company, Masimo.

Hello? I haven’t worn a watch in decades, let alone one that measures blood pressure. Nor do I use services like Motley Fool, BlackRock or Vanguard? So, who’s advising me? And I don’t belong to Jim Cramer’s club either, but I do watch CNBC. Funny, I was VP, assistant to president of NBC, before there even was a CNBC.

And what made me shed shares of Eli Lilly just before it slid over $18 one October day, then trot merrily off to a nearby bank to put the winnings into a high yield savings account paying 5.25 percent? Doth my holy one see storms brewing? Thank God I didn’t sell too much Lilly, however, as the Grande dame’s heading back up!

Then in late December 2022 came Oracle at $84 a share. In classical antiquity, an oracle is a priest acting as a medium through whom prophecy comes from God. So, I bought it and just like Christ, it too has risen.

I just believe if I make money in successful stock trades, I know in my heart Jesus plays a role. In return, he wants me to give a percentage of my winnings back to charities helping the poor, the hungry and sick, especially children.

This includes supporting the foundation my friend Avi Tansman started to help rebuild kibbutzim that Hamas depravity so wickedly destroyed in his homeland, Israel. Funny coincidence. My financial advisor, Jesus, is from a small town in the Judaean Hills only a few miles south of Jerusalem.

When I win, I also give to St. Jude Children’s Hospital. Another funny coincidence! Years ago, I ran into its founder, comedian Danny Thomas, while we were both waiting for what were called cabs back in those days outside the Beverly Hills Hotel. No, I don’t mean the ancient Hebrew unit of capacity cabs. I mean taxicabs!

I also give a part of any winnings to Catholic Relief Services, Disabled American Veterans and American Legion as I’m proudly a veteran. Also, I share some of my good fortune with the Diocese of Palm Beach, St. Vincent de Paul Regional Seminary and my local church, St. Joan of Arc, and to the Maryknoll Fathers and Brothers whose missioners address global poverty. They don’t say “hi,” they say “bye-bye” to poverty, God bless them.

Yes, my stockbroker Jesus says to invest not just in stocks and bonds, but in humanity. Humanity! Now that’s a stock worth investing in! It pays awesome dividends not only to those you help, but to everyone else on this bipolar planet!

He invites us to celebrate the role each of us plays as missioners on our respective roads to salvation, roads lined with those needing our assistance, so we’d better all learn to behave like Good Samaritans.

We need to be joyful in the knowledge that by doing good and helping others, eternal life is our ultimate reward…with interest!

So, are you investing in eternal life? I hope so. Maybe on your next stock trade, throw a Hail Mary. MSN

Tom Madden is a believer in investing, not just in stocks and bonds, but in the people and businesses whom his PR firm, TransMedia Group, represents and helps to achieve worthy objectives. He is also an author whose latest book WORDSHINE MAN is packed with tips on how to make writing inviting, hopefully inspiring to media. He lives in Boca Raton with his Brazilian wife Rita who inspires him to be at his best, especially when he invests.

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