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Caregiving
SUPPORT•INSIGHT•COMFORT•SERVICE•ENCOURAGEMENT
Setting Families Up for Success with Eldercare Mediation
BY KAtHLEEN KAUtH
When it comes to discussing end-of-
life issues, very rarely are all members of
families on the same page. Often times,
adult children don’t want to think of their
parents aging. Their parents may not be
thrilled with the thought either, and both
groups may wish for the comfortable status
quo to be maintained.
If there is one thing that humans have
learned, it’s that everything changes.
Death and dying are as much a part of
the life cycle as birth and living. Identifying
how an individual wants to spend their final
years and communicating that message is
an important task.
When elderly parents experience a health
crisis, adult children sometimes revert to their
12-year-old selves. An element of panic comes
with knowing your parent is experiencing
age-related conditions.
That reality cements the knowledge they
may not have much longer with their parent
in their life.
This realization tends to bring up
long-buried emotions, resentments, fears,
and conflicts within families.
The comfort of home with family.
INDEPENDENCE • QUALITY • DIGNITY
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MONTANA SENIOR NEWS • FEBRUARY / MARCH 2020
talk rationally. The more frequently fami-
lies have these discussions, the easier they
become.
Once decisions have been made and put
into writing, families have a tool to use if or
when a crisis hits. That tool can be adjusted
as life situations change and will mitigate
the stress and trauma of the crisis.
WHO SHOULD BE INVOLVED?
An Eldercare Mediator can serve as an objective One of the first steps to setting up a suc-
third-party, to help resolve conflicts and move end- cessful family facilitation is to identify all
of-life discussions forward. © ilixe48, Bigstock.com. the parties who will be involved. Children?
Those conflicts can be between siblings, Friends? Caregivers?
children, and parents, and even spouse to The older adult(s) in question needs to
spouse. Unresolved conflicts can blossom give careful consideration to who they want
anew during a health crisis—complicating weighing in.
any attempts to understand how the older The mediator should meet with the older
adult wants (or would want) to proceed. adult(s) first to establish communication
An Eldercare Mediator can be brought in and rapport. The discussion should focus on
as an objective third-party, to help resolve what is important to the adult(s), how they
some of those conflicts and move the dis- have lived their lives, and how they picture
cussion forward. living their remaining days. The conversa-
Eldercare Mediators should have train- tion should then move into a discussion of
ing or experience in both mediation and who they want involved and how they want
gerontology, to be able to properly assist them involved.
families dealing with this type of conflict. So Gentle probing into relationship issues
how does an Eldercare Mediator help a fam- between them and children, and between
ily successfully navigate these issues? One siblings, should be used to help understand
of the best ways is to educate families on the family dynamics. If a family member is
importance of hav- going to be kept out of the discussions—it
ing conversations is important to understand and be able to
about end-of-life communicate why to that person.
wishes before there Based on these discussions, the mediator
is ever an issue. needs to connect with each person involved
StARtING tHE and have similar discussions with them,
CONVERSAtION identifying their concerns, conflicts, and
The general rule comfort levels. A group meeting is then set
of thumb about up with all involved parties.
aging is you should GROUP MEEtING
communicate your This can be extremely difficult when
wishes early and geographical distances separate family
often to your family members. Mediators should be ready to
and those who will offer conference calling, Skype, or other
be involved. communication methods. Detailed notes
Eldercare need to be taken and distributed to par-
Mediators are also ticipants after the meeting.
very effective at The mediator’s main role is to introduce
facilitating fam- the topics that need to be covered and to
ily conversations promote honest, open discussion of each
before a crisis hits. topic that results in a decision about how that
When a situation particular topic is to be handled.
is hypothetical, it Each meeting will be different based on
is far easier to set the needs and interests of the families with
aside emotions and whom the mediator is working. The main
MT Gems Assisted Living
SPECIALIZING IN DEMENTIA/ALZHEIMER’S CARE
Robin Cislo Fleek-Owner/Administrator
406-453-0607
Sapphire House • Ruby House
ADDRESS: 811 2nd Avenue South, Great Falls
EMAIL: [email protected]