By Lisa M. Petsche
While it has rewards, caring for a frail or ill older relative can be physically, psychologically and emotionally demanding.
The caregiving journey is particularly challenging when it continues over a long period of time, and when the elder has a progressive disease, complex needs, a prickly personality or mental impairment.
Some caregivers cope better than others with the ups and downs of providing care. The reasons can be varied, but one of them has to do with resilience, the “ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change” (Merriam-Webster dictionary).
If you’re a caregiver, read on to learn about strategies for fostering resilience. They can help you cope with the ongoing stress and periodic crises involved in caring for someone with a chronic illness.
Coping Tips
Accept the reality of your relative’s disease. Denial will prevent you from moving forward and getting the help you may need.
Learn as much as possible about the illness and its management, and educate family and friends to help them understand. Information is empowering.
Pick your battles. Don’t make a big issue out of every concern.
Use positive self-talk. Emphasize phrases such as “I can,” “I will” and “I choose.”
Do things that bring inner peace, such as meditating, reading, writing in a journal or listening to music.
Create a relaxation room or corner in your home—a tranquil spot you can retreat to in order to rejuvenate.
Develop a calming ritual to help you unwind at the end of the day. Avoid consuming news before going to bed.
Look after your health: eat nutritious meals, get adequate rest, exercise and see your primary physician regularly.
Stay connected to your friends as much as possible.
Minimize contact with people who drain your energy or make you feel inadequate—those who are pessimistic or critical, for example.
Simplify your life. Set priorities and let unimportant things go. If finances permit, hire a housecleaning service or a personal support worker or companion for your relative, to free up some of your time and energy.
Be flexible about plans and expectations. Recognize that there’ll be good days and bad days, and how you and your relative feel will fluctuate. Take things one day at a time.
Give yourself permission to feel all emotions that surface, including resentment and frustration. Remind yourself that you’re doing your best and are only human.
Don’t keep feelings and problems to yourself—seek support from a family member, friend or counselor. Join a community caregiver support group, or an Internet group if it’s hard to get out.
Seek help from your primary physician or a counselor if you continually feel sad, angry or overwhelmed. There is no need to suffer, because depression is treatable.
Accept offers of help. Ask other family members to share the load and be specific about what’s needed. Find out about community support services—including respite care options—and take full advantage of them. Information can be obtained from the local office on aging.
Don’t promise your relative you will keep them at home forever. It’s important to keep all options open, since it’s impossible to know what the future holds.
Do something nice for someone who is going through a difficult time. It takes your mind off your own situation, boosts your self-esteem and strengthens the relationship. It may also help to be reminded that other people face challenges, too.
Look for ways to include laughter and joy in each day. This will enhance your relationship with your relative and others with whom you come in contact, and help foster a positive outlook. MSN
Lisa M. Petsche is a social worker and freelance writer specializing in boomer and senior health matters. She has personal and professional experience with elder care.
